What To Do With My Life - Unedited Version
Because my maternity leave is almost over and I still havent decided what I should do. There are so many options that I dont want to think about it coz everytime I weigh the pros and the cons I feel a major migraine coming on.
Last Tuesday, my parents, actually my dad called me and belted out his concerns about all of us, his health, the family business. During the tirade, I kept on thinking what brought this on. I mean, it was only 10 am. I was still half asleep. So when I thought he left, i asked what happened to my mom. My mom in her own way said that my dad is in one of his moods.
Anyways, to cut the long story short, they had me come with them to explore the exporting business…. a tie-up with some other company. Business discussions ended at 2:30 pm at pan de amerikano. My parents wanted me and my brother to manage this side of the business.
My new boss called me yesterday and asked me when I will be back. I told her after 60 calendar days. She told me na Christmas is coming up and I have a lot of projects to plan for and execute, this would include company christmas party, yada yada yada plus of course the regular paperwork. She asked me if I could drop by on the 20th for the sportsfest the company will be having (of course, I was the one who initially planned, budgeted, etc. the whole thing. She took over since nawala ako bigla). Syempre aside from that she also has other concerns that she discussed with me. I thought since it has been one month already and they haven’t really disturbed me except for minor items. I thought its ok for me not to come back anymore. Nakatiis na nga sila ng one month eh im sure kaya na nila yon.. nagpipigil lang pala sila. Hehehe. If ever I do decide to resign I can just hand out my resignation letter a few days before my leave ends. Hehehe. Masama ba….. Heck, nasulit naman nila ako and I am sure ganon ulit ang mangyayari.
I really dread coming back to the office. I am not sure I wanna go back. One thing that makes me sad just thinking about not coming back are my friends, salary, bonuses, benefits and the familiarity of it all. Bankard became my comfort zone. But if you come to think about it. Its not a familiar place anymore. I am the only one (who has a tenure) left in HR. All of them resigned already. Everybody is new. It would seem like I am the new employee, at least to me. I would have to adjust to them. I am not sure I want to do that to an old company. If I want to go thru that torture, I prefer it to be with a new company. New beginnings. New ties. Beside, they will just ask me about all the issues the others left behind. From what I have been hearing, medyo madami na ata. Pero I will surely miss my friends. Thats what stopped me before and is stopping me now.
But on the other side of things, I am scared of managing a part of my family’s business.. especially since it will be a new side. I am scared of taking a risk and losing it all especially since I may not live up to what they expect. I am scared of losing the peaceful relationship I have with my father. He is a businessman after all and a great one at that. I am not sure I want to risk all of that. But if I would consider cheska going to school by next school year, my time will be flexible for her. I can bring her to school. I can attend to her needs.
There are so many pros and cons for each side. Aargh… headache. I…have…..to….stop.. now.
I dont know what to do and I don’t have an eternity to decide. The clock is ticking.
This is great info to know.